Chain Reactions

It's funny how one thing can so easily trigger another, sometimes without us even noticing it, until, like a train of dominos, we reach the end result. One of the most powerful things I've found I can do to get results is to figure out what my 'trigger' is, or what tips over the first domino. 

It's funny, because I'm not a morning person at all. Because I have a 50-minute ride to school every day, I'm usually up at 6:30, but not because that's when I'm actually fully functioning. During the weekends and holidays, I could sleep in till 11:00 every day even if I go to bed at 10. It's slightly ridiculous. But I've also realized that if I do sleep in till 11 I hardly get anything done and it takes me forever to get the day started. It makes me feel lazy and unproductive before I even do anything.

This morning, I woke up at 8:00, read for a half hour, and then got out of bed. And just getting up at a decent hour inspired me to eat a good breakfast, which inspired me to practice violin for an hour right aways, which inspired me to eat an apple instead of chocolate as a snack, which inspired me to blog. 

I love feeling productive, organized, and ontop of things. I hate feeling like I'm wasting time. But I've learned that if I make sure to make good decisions first of all, I can actually do something to change that. And I've also learned that I can't work, work, work without breaks, as much as I'd like to. And there's nothing wrong with rewarding myself with a half hour of time, doing, well, nothing. 

I feel ready for a good day. I think I'm going to have one.

xoxoxoxo

Angel

Not Real Decisions

You know those great decisions that aren't really decisions? When someone else decides something for you, or when you don't have a choice, or when it's not really a decision, it's a realization. That's what happened to me. The last one, that is.

And I know this is not a real decision because it is the worst decision I could have possibly chose to make in this situation. Because even though he doesn't like me, and even quite possibly hates me, I have come to the inevitable conclusion that I like him. PC, that is.

I don't really know what to think of this. On one hand, I think: "Well, that is just my luck. To pick the one guy in school who I've got zero chance with."

But the other part of me, the more depressed part of me, is saying: "It's your fault. You had your chance, and you screwed it up. He probably did like you and it's your fault that he no longer does,"

At this point, it probably doesn't even matter what's true or not. But what makes me sadder than the fact that I like someone who doesn't like me at all is the fact that I lost the chance to make a real friend. An intelligent and geniunely good person, one of the few in my school, and he's the one that hates me.

But then, I always was better at screwing things up than making things go right.

Angel

Early Bird

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours.  No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen.  And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot.  The possibility is always there.  

~Monica Baldwin

I like mornings, and this quote sums up a lot about the way I feel. I think we often forget the beauty of mornings, of sunrises, and of waking up, lost in the blaring of our alarm clocks and world-weary routine of our morning habits. But there is a certain beauty in mornings, as Monica says: "No matter how weary .... you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen." Absolutely anything! That's a wonderful possibility. We take that for granted way too much. The next bit of the quote is also wonderful: "The fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot." When one wakes up hopeful in the mornings, open to new things and new experiences and excited to watch the day unfold, you'll almost always find something meaningful, even if nothing wildly extraordinary does. And even if you don't, there's always tomorrow.

I think we, as humans, depend an awful lot on possibilities. Is it intrinsic in our nature to be hopeful? It's a nice thought, but doesn't always lead to nice consequences. Gambling, lottery tickets, reckless driving—in some ways, those are all playing with the possibilities. Logic says: don't play with these odds, and yet we do. Over and over and over again. In this context, it might seem depressing, but in the context of mornings, it seems comforting. What do we have to lose by envisioning endless possibilities for our day, or remembering that "absolutely anything may happen"? 

Do you remember any mornings when you got up to do your morning routine and suddenly the entire day changed? Maybe your parents told you that you were going on a surprise holiday or some other exciting news. Perhaps your job was cancelled for that day. Most of us have had this experience, and mostly, it's a wonderful feeling. The day suddenly seems endless, stretching out before us in hours and hours of unplanned-ness. 

That's what happened to me this morning. I was up at six-thirty, perhaps more awake than I usually am, but certainly not in a hopeful or happy mood. I was halfway through washing up when my Dad told me school was cancelled due to weather. 

Perhaps it shouldn't have been as surprising as it was. It took me a few moments to process this, and then go through my now-empty-ish day. Being up before seven with nothing to do till much later is quite a freeing feeling. It's shocked me out of my routine mornings, and I'm grateful for that. One of the benefits to being up so early is that on the ride to school, I always get to see the sunrise. Then I can take a moment to really soak in the beauty of  morning. But why does the beauty of morning have to wait till eight o'clock? Why can't it start the minute you first open your eyes? Next time a day takes a different turn, I don't want to be as surprised. I want to face my mornings with much more hopefulness, eagerness, and anticipation. Because you really do never know what might happen.

-Angel

Attention, Readers

Okay, I know I'm not the most frequent updaters. But when it's pretty much just for my benefit, I only seem to blog when I feel like I need to. E.g. when life is awesome or sucky. But currently my life isn't much at all. It's back to school, and it's kinda sad when it only takes a day to feel like you've been there all along. I'm sure you know that bittersweet back-to-school feeling. So, if you're reading this, take a second. Comment. Ask me any question and I'll answer it. Stay anonymous, if you want. But if you can take the time to read this, maybe take the time to learn something interesting. It's so easy to be detached in cyberspace when no-one is there to tell you what to do. Take a minute to be interested.

xoxoxo

Angel