Endings and Beginnings

I've always found beginnings more exciting than endings. When it comes to watching movies, reading books, writing, drawing, anything. A shining blank page, that new book smell, the opening credits ... but most of all, the feeling that anything, absolutely anything could happen. You simply don't know, and that's the beauty. When the surprise comes from yourself (and it's a good surprise) it's especially exciting. 

Endings have never been my favourite. I've only ever finished one story, and it was a short story. I just never seem to want to finish any of my stories, which is sad. Most things I finish out of sheer stubbornness because admitting defeat would mean giving up. It's a helpful trait for certain things (it's the ONLY thing that got me through Lent with no sweets), but for others, it's hard. For instance: if I'm doing something annoying and someone tells me to stop, my first instinct is to take it as a highly personal insult and keep going. It's stupid, and makes no sense, but that's what I think. There's many other things like that where stubbornness, or pigheadedness, as my mom calls it, can get in the way.

My Grandpa on my mom's side is a perfect example of that. I'm not exactly sure what he all has, but an array of mental issues stemming from some sort of PTSD that include dementia and 'mental' pain, as in pain that has no physical reason but messed up neurons or somethings. I'm no expert, but it's causing his pigheaded nature to go off the deep end. It's kind of like a real-life lesson of 'I don't want to be that'. 

But back to beginnings and endings. I've begun to suspect, recently, that the problem I have isn't really with either. I think it's more with the present moment. I start something and immediately start thinking about the end, what the finished product will be, without regards to how I'm getting there.The present moment, in other words, is what could use more work. Enjoying what I'm doing and just living instead of always thinking about tomorrow, which, after all, never comes.

My words aren't flowing as they usually do today, so I'll leave you with this to end that captures more what I'm talking about than I can. I think this may be my favourite quote of all time, and definitely my favourite from Lord of the Rings.