PC Again

I like him. I like him so much it hurts. 
I kind of thought that I was over, or getting over him for a while. But it seems that either I was wrong or all the feelings have come back in a hurry.
I had an orchestra concert at the concert hall today, in which I played a solo piece. With my hair done up fancy and makeup and a tight dress and—I have to say—I felt beautiful. Which I normally don't, and I'd venture to say I did look pretty good as well. 
And PC came. Whether because my friend KA. invited him or because he liked my other friends C. and J., or, and I doubt this, because he wanted to see me. 
I would give way too much to know what went through PC's head the first time he saw me that evening, when I walked out on stage to all that applause and I could feel everyone's eyes on me. Was he thinking how beautiful I looked? Maybe just how dressed up I was? Or maybe he was just waiting for me to play, because he likes classical music and he would be the kind of guy to just enjoy the music. What I wouldn't give to know.

I sat between PC and J. on the way back home. We had a great conversation, interesting and more deep than the ones we usually do. It was hard to concentrate, though, when every time his leg touched mine it sent shocks up and down my entire body. I've never had such a physical reaction to somebody, when one touch can light your entire body on fire. It kind of scared me but at the same time I kept envisioning what it would be like to, well, this is embarrassing, but to slowdance with him again. To have his hands on my waist and him a lot closer than arms length away. Okay, I feel stupid saying that, but it's what I thought. 

I like him, and I'm going to admit it and not try to hide it. But I don't know if I want him to know that, yet. We have our last school dance in around two and a half weeks (ironically, on my older brother N.'s birthday) and it's Sadie Hawkins, which means the girls ask the guys. And I  really do want to ask PC. But I don't know if I can or should or if he'd want to ... or if I could dance or if he'd want to dance after the christmas banquet. 

I'm going to do my best not to obsess over it all weekend. It probably won't work.

Love,
Angel