So I know I promised to post about cafeterias. But the thing is, the more I was thinking about it, the more I realized what a bad idea it was. I mean, everyone knows how much cafeterias suck. But everyone knows that. The only interesting thing I could possibly write about would be if I knew who decided to make a cafeteria. Then I could describe the verbal smack-down I gave him when I met him. Of course, he is probably dead by now.
But the thing is, I don't know that, and so I guess I'll just make this post about whatever I feel like. And what I feel like now is pretty low.
I don't know when I first started having self-esteem issues. Probably around 11, if I had to guess. I was always a very confident kid up until then. I loved standing out, being the centre of attention, that kind of thing. I thought I was gorgeous and smart and talented and that everyone was jealous of me. Yeah, in short I was a bit of a brat.
When I hit 11, I gained some weight. I was never fat but I definitely had a bit of a pot. I remember distinctly looking at myself in the mirror and hating the way I looked. That's when I vowed to lose weight. So I did. I don't want to go into all those details right now, that's another story for another post, but to make a long story short it didn't help my self-esteem at all. Skinny or chubby, I just didn't like the way I looked. And I really still don't.
I know I'm not ugly. But is it so wrong to want to be pretty, gorgeous, beautiful? And yet I'm smart enough to realize that isn't what really counts. But apparently not smart enough to stop caring. No matter how many times people may tell me I'm pretty, until I believe it myself, it's not going to help.
I can't remember one time just looking in the mirror and thinking: "wow, I look good," without also noticing all my flaws.
So, non-existent blog readers, answer me this: Is it wrong to want to feel pretty? And if it isn't, how can one go about obtaining this feeling?
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